Shaky hands please calm
Upset tum please settle now
But please don’t leave me
There's so much to write about; get out there and write about it.
Shaky hands please calm
Upset tum please settle now
But please don’t leave me
Step one: copy codes
Two: lament bank balances
Three: Like WordPress post
😦
Gaseous puppy rump.
Can’t scoot him off. Too darn cute.
Suck it up. That’s love
“‘S’cuse me ma’am. I’m lost.
I can’t find grandpa nowhere.”
“Funeral room five.”
Rosé before noon?
Puppies, plans, lunches with friends?
Oh! Vanderpump Rules!
Hot wind. Now I’m home.
Watermelon rose tea too.
Southern wife, sweet life.
What’s lost is mine now.
Now somehow you want it back.
Gotta catch me first.
Coffee, pen, journal
I told the page a secret
Blotting out the sin
Ridges cleave open
Sun screens burn to smithereens
Mars? Arizona!
Pond swells after rain
Cactus bitter at it all
Progress down the drain
The moment he calls
I want to be by his side
Like how a leash works…
Severed ties while drunk?
Crying over a glass now?
What more will it take?
“During midnight skies, I watch the moon fall out of love with the stars.” – Unknown
Like a painting, I was unfinished. And you like to start projects, but not ever complete them. Until my frontal lobes developed–until I was a fully completed sculpture, I could not finish this poem. Confusion of that time stuck like putty in the holes of my frontal lobes.
Karla: I told you about even replying to that email. It was a can of worms. Sometimes in life, you gotta listen to your head.
Daniela: Sure Karla I know that, but sometimes in life you have to want to love yourself enough to want to do the thing that’s going to make you love yourself more.
Karla: Who the hell is that supposed to help? It doesn’t even sound like you know what you’re remedying.
Daniela: It’s more complicated than you know. I let my guard down.
Karla: Daniela, the email before it said, “Be careful.” How could you not be careful after a statement like that?
Daniela: Let’s just say I have a blind spot that isn’t nearly as gaping as the one that let you think a lane switch wouldn’t completely cut that guy off.
Karla: What g–
Dialogue is tough.
Focus on the road. Save a life.
When I wake up I want to be a grown-up. And I’ll tell you why. Every night after dinner, my mom and dad tell me we have a big day planned tomorrow and tell me all the things we have to do. And every night after talking about it all, I just wish for once there was nothing to do all day. But when I said this to mom and dad last night, they told me that living without a plan was a surefire way to attract the schedule monster. The schedule monster runs around in your brain asking you (1) what you’re going to do (2) why you don’t have a plan for the day (3) why you don’t have a plan for your life, all day over and over because there was no plan. I asked if that still happens when you become a grown-up and they said yes. So why do I want to be a grown-up when I wake up? Because then at least I can decide what time to have dinner.
My dog stares at me with glossy, saddened, yearning eyes. So I stop tasks I’ve started and pick him up, peppering him with kisses. Until moments later when he wants to be put down again and then I am left to start all over. And each time I leave a little more saddened.
Collapsing inward
Ice where there shouldn’t be cold
Snow on peonies
Replying to the last of my clients and closing Outlook, I lament the ticket to D.C. that will go unused tonight. I fight back a tightness in my throat that I’ve come to understand needs two fingers of whiskey to solve at the end of the day. No one did this to me.
I always said you’re not ready to start your own company until you can’t remain at any other company.
Truthfully, I let myself steal from myself. I stole my future from myself. Procrastinating to avoid managing emotions about living. The reward of putting things off…that feeling becoming an addiction in itself. A dream adjacent my true dream.
My vision for this company is like rain. Cleaning out self-pity and distractions that tug at my memory, emotional reserves, concentration, and—
“¿Qué cenamos?”
“Dejame…”
He scurries away like I’ve just raised my hand to slap him. Maybe he’ll ask his father and be scared enough to actually leave me alone. I love my kids. I love my kids. I love them. But I can’t love my clients, kids, boss, husband, churchgoers, everyone! Can I?
I pour the whiskey and set my out of office email with no return date.
Meet me 4pm
Hand on hand like a mirror
“I’ve missed you darling.”
Riled up all day long
Judging eye at my mother
When I’m the issue